I should have guessed that the director of Aeon Flux would make another really stupid, horrible, poorly made movie...at least it wasn't as bad as Uwe Boll, probably the worst director to ever live. Jennifer's Body wasn't too far behind it though. Sure it has every guy's fantasy girl, Megan Fox, in it but she really sucks in a leading role. She should drop acting about as much as her crappy attitude.
That being said, this movie is about a beautiful and very stupid girl who likes to flirt with boys and get into trouble. She goes out to a run down bar to see this really awesome band (sarcasim), more specifically the hunky lead singer, played by Adam Brody, only to have the bar burn to the ground during the middle of his set. Boo Hoo. So she gets in his van only to find out that she is going to be a sacrifice to Satan so Adam's band can be famous. Winning plot I know but wait there's more. She ends up becoming a flesh eating bitch possessed by a demon and the only way she can remain herself is to rip people open with her razor sharp teeth. She does this by seducing the boys in her class and luring them to secluded areas so she feast. Then her best friend discovers her secret and decides to stop her because her boyfriend is the next victim. Plot spoiler, boyfriend dies in the most dramatic and cliche kinda way.
Please, I beg you do not go see this movie. Because I loved Juno I will forgive Ms. Cody for writing this real piece of shit (oops did I just say that?) and wish her luck on the next gig. Megan Fox is not a lead actress and should probably stick to a more supporting role or porno. I can't give Jennifer's Body anything higher than a F.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Whiteout
What is cold, lame, and has a weak plot? You guessed it, Whiteout. The ravishing Kate Beckinsale again stars in another snoozer and is slowly losing a place in my heart as a good actress. I can't really blame her, although she did only have a PG-13 shower scene, the writing and supporting cast really bit the big one here.
This dud takes place in Antarctica right before the big "whiteout", or huge ass snow storm, occurs and everybody on the icy mass has to leave for the next 6 months. Of course, somebody dies and only Kate and a few of her crew can save the day. It just so happens that they miss the last plane out so they are stuck with the killer for the remainder of the time but who is the guilty one? I'm biting my tongue because I want to save you the 90 minutes that you waste watching this movie but I won't. If you do go see it, I will give you one spoiler, the plot is not about weapons it's about something so much more cliche.
Bottom line: don't go see it. The ending really isn't that great at all, come to think about it neither is the beginning or middle. Huh. Anyways, there really is nothing good about this movie and I probably should have listened to Rottentomoatoes when they gave this movie a 7%. I'll give it higher but not much...Whiteout earns a feeble F+. Ouch.
This dud takes place in Antarctica right before the big "whiteout", or huge ass snow storm, occurs and everybody on the icy mass has to leave for the next 6 months. Of course, somebody dies and only Kate and a few of her crew can save the day. It just so happens that they miss the last plane out so they are stuck with the killer for the remainder of the time but who is the guilty one? I'm biting my tongue because I want to save you the 90 minutes that you waste watching this movie but I won't. If you do go see it, I will give you one spoiler, the plot is not about weapons it's about something so much more cliche.
Bottom line: don't go see it. The ending really isn't that great at all, come to think about it neither is the beginning or middle. Huh. Anyways, there really is nothing good about this movie and I probably should have listened to Rottentomoatoes when they gave this movie a 7%. I'll give it higher but not much...Whiteout earns a feeble F+. Ouch.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Halloween II
If you like gore, graphic violence, and some wicked death scenes you will love this movie. Halloween was everything I thought it was going to be and more given the fact that it was directed by Rob Zombie, who is slowly winning a place in my heart by creating films that are intense by nature yet satisfying in the end. And if you have ever seen House of 1,000 Corpses or the Devil's Rejects you will know exactly what I am talking about. In his second installment of Halloween Michael Myers returns and this time there is no holding back. It picks up right were it left off in the 1st film with Laurie Strode surviving the latest Halloween massacre only to find that she is mentally and emotionally tramatized by the incident. Night after night she experiences extremely vivid and horrifying dreams about Michael Myers and his return for her in the most brutal of ways. The culmination of this film resides in the learning of Laurie's relationship with Michael Myers through a book that was written by his childhood psychologist Dr. Samuel Loomis (Malcolm McDowell). This drives Laurie to the breaking point as she tries to find a way to cope with her new found role in life.
This movie was so much better than I had originally thought. Rob Zombie did such a wonderful job developing his characters and showing just how terrifying Michael Myers really is. I found myself saying "holy shit" during this movie many times over and I loved every second of it. There were a couple of plot points that missed the mark just a bit but overall this film is a must see for those of you who can handle extreme violence. I emphatically give Halloween II an A and hope that the story ends with this one (you'll see why at the end).
This movie was so much better than I had originally thought. Rob Zombie did such a wonderful job developing his characters and showing just how terrifying Michael Myers really is. I found myself saying "holy shit" during this movie many times over and I loved every second of it. There were a couple of plot points that missed the mark just a bit but overall this film is a must see for those of you who can handle extreme violence. I emphatically give Halloween II an A and hope that the story ends with this one (you'll see why at the end).
The Final Destination
This may be the shortest review of my life because The Final Destination was one of the worst movies I have ever seen. In the 4th instalment of this series we have a group of teens who survive a freak Nascar-like disaster leading to the death of 50+ people. Since the lead character, Nick O'Bannon played by Bobby Campo, receives a glimpse into the future and sees the events unfold he is able to lead this group to safety only to find that they were meant to die in that accident and now death is coming for them one by one. Nick must find a way to thwart death's plan and save as many of his friends as possible before they fall victim to a horrific fate.
The first movie in this series was rather good but as they kept making them they got worse and worse with this one being exponentially shoddier that its predecessors. The acting was a complete disaster, the script was a joke, the plot was a failure, and the special effects were cheesy as hell. I actually feel bad for the actors in this movie because it may have just killed their careers or shortened them severely. There was absolutely nothing good in this movie and for the longest time I was wondering if it was meant to be a comedy rather than a horror. Don't see it, don't rent it, in fact don't even look at it. The Final Destination receives a well deserved F.
The first movie in this series was rather good but as they kept making them they got worse and worse with this one being exponentially shoddier that its predecessors. The acting was a complete disaster, the script was a joke, the plot was a failure, and the special effects were cheesy as hell. I actually feel bad for the actors in this movie because it may have just killed their careers or shortened them severely. There was absolutely nothing good in this movie and for the longest time I was wondering if it was meant to be a comedy rather than a horror. Don't see it, don't rent it, in fact don't even look at it. The Final Destination receives a well deserved F.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Inglourious Basterds
I'll start by saying that this movie kicked ass. It was graphic, vulgar, but most importantly well scripted and well acted. Here we have a couple of plot lines that are intertwined and ultimately leading to the same place...the destruction of Hitler and his Nazi regime. First there are the Basterds, led by the fearless Lt. Aldo Raine, played astonishing well by Brad Pitt. He leads his group of Jewish-American soldiers into enemy territory for one reason and one reason only "killin' nazis". This band of soldiers brutally murder and scalp the packs of German soldiers throughout the country with a goal of 100 per person.
The second plot line revolves around Shosanna Dreyfus, a French Jew, whose family was ruthlessly murdered by Col. Hans Landa when she was a teenager. After 4 years she grows out of being a little girl, inherits a movie theater, and plots the assassination of Hitler and his cronies while they are attending a pro-German film at her theater. The two plots converge towards the end of the film in this little theater and here all havoc lets loose for a rather satisfying climax.
Aside from being a Quentin Tarantino movie (and I am a big fan), this movie is success on every level but I would specifically like to point out the acting of Christopher Waltz and his portrayal of Col. Hans Landa. He is remarkable in this film and if there were no other films being released he would be a guarantee victor for the Best Supporting Actor in every award ceremony including the Academy Awards. On top of that, everybody else in the film had stellar acting supported by a wonderful script. If this isn't the best movie of the year I don't know what is. Inglourious Basterds receives a well earned A+.
The second plot line revolves around Shosanna Dreyfus, a French Jew, whose family was ruthlessly murdered by Col. Hans Landa when she was a teenager. After 4 years she grows out of being a little girl, inherits a movie theater, and plots the assassination of Hitler and his cronies while they are attending a pro-German film at her theater. The two plots converge towards the end of the film in this little theater and here all havoc lets loose for a rather satisfying climax.
Aside from being a Quentin Tarantino movie (and I am a big fan), this movie is success on every level but I would specifically like to point out the acting of Christopher Waltz and his portrayal of Col. Hans Landa. He is remarkable in this film and if there were no other films being released he would be a guarantee victor for the Best Supporting Actor in every award ceremony including the Academy Awards. On top of that, everybody else in the film had stellar acting supported by a wonderful script. If this isn't the best movie of the year I don't know what is. Inglourious Basterds receives a well earned A+.
District 9
Imagine waking up one to find a massive extra terrestrial spaceship hovering above your city. Kinda freaky right? Well that is the tone set up in District 9. The opening of the movie begins with a series of documentary-like interviews to establish the premise of the movie; alien ship over Johannesburg - South Africa, aliens (aka Prawns) appear to be malnourished, and they are relocated to a government camp on Earth called District 9. Ok that's the beginning. As the movie progresses we begin to see that the Prawns are wearing out there welcome in Johannesburg, as they have been on Earth for 20 years, and are being ushered outside of the city to District 10 by the MNU, Multi-National United. This company, aside from being charged with the relocation, has a hidden agenda and that is to learn how to use the advanced weaponry brought to Earth by these aliens.
The MNU is being led by Wikus Van Der Merwe and during the relocation process he is also charged with inspecting suspicious activity and behavior. During one of his inspections he finds an out of sorts container which sprays him in the face with a dark nasty liquid. After a bit he begins to experience, shall we say, a transformation and its for the worse...he is slowly becoming one of them. This unlocks a world of possibility into the use of all the collected alien weaponry that MNU has been dying to understand. Wikus becomes a valuable and targeted individual and is forced to join the ranks of the Prawns not just for their survival but his own.
This was a rather interesting film that was shot very well and had an extremely unique plot, one that I had never seen before. Since Peter Jackson had his hands in the production you know that the effects will be top notch. After all that something was still missing for me and I can't quite put my finger on it. The story was complete, the acting was pretty good, the special effects were right on, and I really enjoyed how they did the quasi-documentary but something still lacked. And because I didnt quite feel that this movie was completely well-rounded I give Disctrict 9 a B.
The MNU is being led by Wikus Van Der Merwe and during the relocation process he is also charged with inspecting suspicious activity and behavior. During one of his inspections he finds an out of sorts container which sprays him in the face with a dark nasty liquid. After a bit he begins to experience, shall we say, a transformation and its for the worse...he is slowly becoming one of them. This unlocks a world of possibility into the use of all the collected alien weaponry that MNU has been dying to understand. Wikus becomes a valuable and targeted individual and is forced to join the ranks of the Prawns not just for their survival but his own.
This was a rather interesting film that was shot very well and had an extremely unique plot, one that I had never seen before. Since Peter Jackson had his hands in the production you know that the effects will be top notch. After all that something was still missing for me and I can't quite put my finger on it. The story was complete, the acting was pretty good, the special effects were right on, and I really enjoyed how they did the quasi-documentary but something still lacked. And because I didnt quite feel that this movie was completely well-rounded I give Disctrict 9 a B.
50 Dead Men Walking
This relatively unknown movie was a real jem and one of the best movies to come out this year. Think about Leonardo DiCaprio's role in "The Departed" and then give it an Irish twist and that is exactly what 50 Dead Men Walking was about. Here we have Martin McGartland, played astonishing well by Jim Sturgess, born an Irish lad, and living in his early 20's during the 1980's conflict between the Irish Republican Army and British Police. Martin is a street criminal who is receiving more recognition from the IRA by rebelling against the British Police but come to realize that their cruel tactics do not sit well with him. Because of this he decides to become a secret mole for the British Police as he moves his way up the ranks in the IRA. All the while, he increasingly worries for the safety of his family and fears that his covert identity will become known which will inevitably lead to his death and the death of all his loved ones.
This film works on a few different levels; first the acting. Jim Sturgess and Ben Kingsley nail their roles which really adds to the emotion this movie was trying to evoke with the climax of the plot benefiting the most. And second, since this was a true story, it gave me a true, and what felt to be very accurate, portrayal of what happened during that 1980's conflict between opposing forces. I can't say enough how tremendous this movie was so 50 Dead Men Walking rightfully earns a solid A.
This film works on a few different levels; first the acting. Jim Sturgess and Ben Kingsley nail their roles which really adds to the emotion this movie was trying to evoke with the climax of the plot benefiting the most. And second, since this was a true story, it gave me a true, and what felt to be very accurate, portrayal of what happened during that 1980's conflict between opposing forces. I can't say enough how tremendous this movie was so 50 Dead Men Walking rightfully earns a solid A.
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